GM3YEW > HUMOR 25.11.21 08:30l 272 Lines 7804 Bytes #999 (0) @ WW
BID : 23239_GB7YEW
Subj: jokes 25/11
Sent: 211125/0718Z 23239@GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO LinBPQ6.0.18
As Grandmother used to say
When stars shine clear and bright,we will have a very cold night
Who would have thought, one day we would be smoking weed at a family gathering but the illegal part would be the gathering !
CALL THE POLICE- WHEN YOU'RE OLD, AND YOU DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper...it's worse when you forget to pull it down.
Things To Make You Ponder !
22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
He's a wolf in cheap clothing.
It was a case of love at Versailles.
He's got one of those sight-seeing dogs.
In Algiers, they spend most of their time at the cash bar.
My sister has extra-century perception.
A fool and his money are some party.
All's fear in love and war.
Nip it in the butt.
Some viruses can lie doormat for years.
To each his zone.
Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel.
Agreed, no more negotiating - it's a dumb deal.
It's a long road to hold.
All I want from you kids is a little piece of quiet.
Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks while
Gambling, the big, high-class casinos are now equipped with sophisticated
Defibrillators. They are computer-controlled to deliver the exact electric
Shock needed to revive a heart attack victim. That is, if you're at a big,
At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across the carpet and
Touch your finger to the doorknob.
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, go Slow."
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday, you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't
have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Gus, why do you always get so dirty?
GUS: Cause I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to. My Mom's a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.
A Quiz For Know It All People
This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that
I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with
1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants
Know the score or the leader until the contest ends.
2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?
3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several
Growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What
Are the only two perennial vegetables?
4. Name the only sport in which the ball is always in possession of the
Team on defence, and the offensive team can score without touching the
5. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?
6. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside
The bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it
Hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?
7. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters "dw" and
they are all common words. Name two of them.
8. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least
half of them?
9. Where are the lakes that are referred to in the Los Angeles Lakers?
10. There are 7 ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without
getting a hit. Taking a base on balls (a walk) is one way. Name the other 6.
11. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned,
processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.
12. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the
Answers To Quiz:
1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know
the score or the leader until the contest ends . . . boxing
2. North American landmark constantly moving backward . . . Niagara Falls
(The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the
millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)
3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several
growing seasons . . asparagus and rhubarb.
4. The only sport in which the ball is always in . possession of the team
on defense, and the offensive team can score without touching the ball. . .
5. The fruit with its seeds on the outside . . strawberry.
6. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the
bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are
wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire
growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the
7. Three English words beginning with dw..... dwarf, dwell and dwindle.
8. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar . . period, comma, colon,
semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point,
quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.
9. The original lakes referred to in Lakers . . in Minnesota. (The team was
originally known as the Minneapolis Lakers, and kept the name when they
10. Seven ways a baseball player can legally reach first base without
getting a hit . . . taking a base on balls (a walk). . batter hit by a
pitch, passed ball, catcher interference, catcher drops third strike,
fielder's choice, and being designated as a pinch-runner.
11. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed,
cooked, or in any other form but fresh .... lettuce.
12. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with "s" . . ..
shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes,
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